Druid Moon - My Walk with Belenos

 Yesterday was Mother's Day, which was a wonderful day, made more magikal by starting the day off with a male ringed-necked pheasant.  These birds means good finances for me--who doesn't like that omen?  It was a great financial day!  My family took me to Half Price Books, where I got a Funko Pop Sabretooth (fav villian) and two books--both on my wishlist (because I have rule for myself to keep me from buying whatever interesting looking book that may just leave me disappointed):

Yup, when I go to bookstores, I visit the metaphysical/witchy/pagany/psychic section first, the mythology section second, the psychology/trauma/disorders/self help sections, and finally the death section (for my death doula independent studies).  THEN if I haven't found anything, I may go to the graphic novels/gaming/nerdy sections, art, nature, and fiction.  Always in that order, unless I'm there for something specific.

There, two pieces of useless trivia about me.  Read on for more!

I also saved $200 ordering photos yesterday.  As a photographer, let's fucking go!

Thank you Pheasant!

Last night, I missed Three Cranes Grove's Druid Moon, which in their Breviary, honored Belenos.  So I decided to do my first solo Druid Moon.  I haven't worked with, much less met Belenos before, so I wasn't sure if He'd even show up, which happens sometimes.  These Entities have other shit going on.

I redid my ADF altar:

I changed the altar cloth, removed my Elen of the Ways card, exchanged Gatekeeper Hare for Bee, added a fox, and grouped the Hallows together in the middle...off-centering the Tree.  Which is kind of big for me, since I like my sacred spaces to be balanced, for the most part.  I decided to challenge myself and do as Tricksters do--shake it up a little, to break old patterns.  I haven't changed it back yet, so that's progress, I guess!

I followed the COoR and when I got to the Omen, I used the Elder Futhark stones (as opposed to my cards or wooden runes), and got a long message from my Kindreds.  Blessings of Protection, Boundaries, and Trust.  

When I went to put these blessings into my waters, I was told to set the cup down and "meditate" which given it was a request, means trance for me.

I did the thing and found myself in the woods, with The Hermit figure standing in front of me.  A man wearing a heavy dark blue hooded cloak, holding a lantern.  The cloak was awkward for the man (definitely not Odin), and although He held the lantern, it wasn't lit and was daytime.  The whole thing was clumsy.

This was Belenos.  He wanted me to follow Him, to which I replied, "Wait, didn't you just warn me about trusting strangers in the astral?"

He shrugged, "Bring someone along if you like."

Loki appeared.  Then reminded me that I'm never alone.  He looked around cautiously, "Plus I'm sure Hekate's lurking around here somewhere...or The Morrigan...or Michael" [yes, the archangel one].

I shifted into a red fox for some reason, which surprised Belenos who gave a "whatever floats your boat" shrug.  I jumped onto Loki's shoulders and then got distracted by my little fox claws, and started thinking about those tree climbing gray foxes.  So I jumped down and became me again.  

Belenos and I started talking, with Loki trailing behind.  We talked about the omen, with how important ADF and 3CG can be to me, and how yes I've been abused and hurt by groups over these last 5 years, but that I have the tools and the guidance to know the wrong sort from the good.  That I need to stop people pleasing.  Not everyone is my dad--not everyone explodes when they're rejected, told no, or whatever.  Let my guard down a little bit, but see and accept the red flags that my guides be giving, too.  It doesn't matter how nice that person seems or what their energy feels like.  When the Kindreds warn me about a person, listen.  I have the tools and guidance--use them--otherwise be doomed to repeat the same toxic patterns--a form of self harm.  They don't want that for me.

We also talked about perspectives and how you can't control other people's reactions, just your own.  People are often "fake politeness" when they're fearful of how the other person is going to react.  They're nice, thinking it's kindness, but it's fake out of fear.  They may not realize how rude and damaging fake politeness can be.  

Also if a person does explode, that I need to handle it with grace.  Maybe my reaction will have a positive effect on them.  Maybe they'll also see that not everyone explodes when given information they don't want to hear?  Just as I've experienced.  Expected pain, only to be met with emotional intelligence.

Finally, we reached a small pool with the new moon crescent reflecting in the dark waters.  The new moon glowed white and became a white glowing Kenaz--the torch rune.  Guidance.  It floated and returned to the sky.  

Belenos told me to "Drink deep", so I returned to my space.  I moved onto the Work part of the ritual, using three real candles to fuel my inner flame and my connections to the groves.  I closed my eyes and returned to the pool with Loki and Belenos.

We talked more about authenticity and I need to continue to fight that fear that would have me people please and be disingenuous and unhappy because I wasn't being the real me.  Being in a new community, with these Druids has brought up some old wounds.  Worries of seeming like a crazy crackpot.  People not taking me serious because of my abilities and experiences.  Things that didn't really used to bother me, not until I kept trusting the wrong people in the pagan community and getting hurt.  Wounds that I've been working on healing, especially since the Fall Equinox.  

I'm an odd person and I accept that about myself.  The older I get, the less I care about how others feel about me, especially in the pagan community.  An outcast among outcasts just trying to find my people, so to speak.  I can only do that if I am unapologetically me.  As Hekate, Callieach, and Others said, "Do not dim your light for others.  They can put on some shades and look away.  They are not your people.  You will find others torches burning in the darkness."

Belenos gave me a big hug and said that He looked forward to our next meet.  He winked at me--I couldn't actually see His face through all of this--just his jaw and chin.  He's a Bright and Shining God, so I figured the awkward hood was worn for a reason (other than the obvious symbology of it all)--although I've worked with Helios, Apollon, Sunna, and Baldur over the years, too--other sunny, bright, and shining entities--and I've been unbothered.  

He lifted his hood and was an light being.  I can't put it into words exactly what I saw.  Just light in humanoid shape, only far more detailed and complex than that.  It was also a blue-white light, too.  

So that was cool.

I opened my eyes, thanked everyone, and ended the rite.  

All-in-all, it was a great rite and one that I think I needed to take alone.  Take my time meeting this new entity, instead of pressured by group time limits.  

I hope your weekend was just what you needed, be it joy, gentleness, solutions, closure, peace, whatever.

- Dedicant and Hearth Keeper Foxlyn