Pagan Virtue #7: Hospitality

 Hospitality
Being a welcome and thankful host.

Spirit of Hospitality
by Rev. Dangler

Welcoming, opening, drawing them in,
We see ourselves in others, their presence a blessing.
No matter where we have come from or where we reside,
We ask that the stranger sit at our table.

Our home is a blessing of refuge,
Where any may be welcomed.
It turns no one away who is hurting,
For our fire is warmest when fed by friendship.

Spirit of Hospitality, let us be good hosts!
Help us open to all, no matter their roots.
Spirit of Hospitality, let us be good guests!
Help us to remember those whose land this was!

Open to us that we may open to others,
In memory, in joy, and in fellowship.
So be it.

Reflections and Notes

• Xenia - Hellenic Pillar of Hospitality
• My Hearth Entities: Hestia-Vesta, Vestals, Hekate, Frigg, Loki, Frau Holle, Tomten, Nisse, and the Disir (and perhaps some of the Alfar, but I can only see the Disir at this point).
• My parents didn't teach me a lot about cooking or cleaning, luckily, I had Hestia-Vesta who did teach me a lot about being a good spouse, a great mom, a friend, and hostess. 
  I'm a SAHP and I had to learn how to take care of the house and my family.  With Their guidance I did, and I'm still learning, especially as my kids are all in school now.  Learning and growing with them and their changing needs, and new things about taking care of our home.  Learning how to repair toys and clothes, how to make new stuff.  Learning how to garden, harvest, and can.  How to care for our machines and appliances.  None of that was taught to me by my human family.  I had to learn it on my own, with the guidance of my Spiritual Mothers, learn how to ask for help from the Kindreds and humans, and Youtube. 
  Learning how to keep the hearth clean and working absolutely helps with hospitality!  Your home doesn't need to be spotless, especially when you have children, but you don't want it to be a disgusting mess either when guests are coming over.  If I was having plumbing problems, I wouldn't be hosting a party.  You should be comfortable in your own home, and so should your guests.
• #1 of the Nine Central Tenets of Druidic Ritual (3, pages 9-10): Ghosti, "the idea of reciprocity and the guest-host relationship within an IE cosmos.  Hospitality has two sides: the good host and the gracious guest.  The guest is properly treated and the host isn't taken advantage of.  Both are held accountable."  Ghosti is for relationships between people and the Kindreds.
• "Gift for a gift, in hope not ego" (3).
• ADF Hearth Keeping.
• My duties as Hearth Keeper Priestess for Hestia and a Vestal for Vesta.
• Discernment - Just because they're a guest doesn't mean you can't turn away the dangerous, suspicious, or rude ones.
• Sometimes guests are entities in disguise.
• Holding safe space.
• Making sure people are comfortable and happy.  No bigotry, no bullying, no monsters.  In my family, monsters are shunned and victims are welcomed and cared for.  If someone tries to start drama, if the problem can't be worked out like adults, they're told to leave.  I don't put up with the selfish crap.
• If someone's uncomfortable, I don't expect them to stay.  I expect them to do what they need to do to feel safe, less overwhelmed, and comfortable (yes, I do tell my guests this, whether I know them or not).  I have cPTSD and possibly autism.  If I need to leave for a bit, I'd appreciate not being hounded and taunted by grown ass adults, and called anti-social, too good for people, and selfish.  Just give me my space.  Let me calm down.  I try to give others this same respect.  
• I also let people know, especially in ritual, that I'm very direct person, sometimes I info-dump.  I don't get hints or sarcasm, and I'm bad with social cues.  Some people get intimidated by me.  They may think I'm too intense, too much.   If they feel uncomfortable, please say something.  I can't fix issues if I'm unaware of them.  Please don't feel the need to be polite if you're uncomfortable.  Speak up.  I'm not going to get mad--in fact I appreciate honesty.  I prefer honest politeness, than trying-to-keep-the-peace politeness.  
  I'd appreciate the same respect if I'm a guest.
• Listening with compassion, not with ego.  Listening to understand, not to respond.  Give support.
• For guests, I try to clean up my house (my mom always deep cleaned the house before people can over, even if it was just family)--or at least the guest bathroom, with fresh toilet paper, air freshener, hand soap, and hand towels.  I show them where the bathrooms are.  Offer them drinks or food.   Since we have a lot of altars and shrines, I also ask them not to touch these spaces (sometimes I have signs up)--especially if they're children.  I've learned that not every parent/guardian teaches their kids to not touch other people's stuff.   I also show them the trash and recycling cans.  I'll clean up after people, but I also ask that they do so, too, especially if I'm hosting a party.
• As Host, I also make sure that I've taken my CBD oil to help keep me calm, especially if there's children around playing.  Loud noises and me don't go well together, but I can't just wear earplugs, because 1) I'm hard-of-hearing and 2) I can still feel it, and it can still be triggering.  I also make sure that if I need to walk away to calm down, I can.  And to ask for help when I need it; and to accept help when its offered.
• As a Guest, it was traditional in my family to always bring the gift of wine to parties...but then I learned that some folks in my family were alcoholics.  That and not everyone drinks.  I'm not a big alcohol drinker either, and I have wine...for the Kindreds.  We tend to ask if they need anything.  
• As a Guest, we also won't eat before going to someone's house who'll have food made for the party, because it's rude.  Unless you have certain dietary restrictions or rules, like fasting or scheduled eating--things like that.  I personally think its rude to eat before going to someone's get together.  Because that host put time and energy to cook for everyone.  Unless there's a health reason why you can't eat it, at least make a plate and take a couple of bites.
• With my many food allergies, I usually bring my own food, instead of expecting them to have things that I can eat.  Some hosts ask, but most don't.  And too many times, I've had hosts forget and I didn't have anything to eat.  I don't hold anything against the hosts.  But it's taught me to ask if anyone has any dietary restrictions and accommodate, or at least to make sure that they're choices.  Whether it's a dinner, a party, or a ritual, I'd like people to partake of the food and drinks.
• When hosting rituals, I like to provide some kind of gift for attendees, whether it's free reading, teaching them how to make a tool or something, or some kind of cool little spiritual trinket, as thanks for coming.  In Hellenic Polytheism, this is called a Xenion - a parting gift for guests.  In my both sides of my family it was tupperware filled with food: take what you want, BUT save some for others.  (I had a very greedy aunt; people learned to get their share before her turn.)
• As Host, I'd rather not have the TV on.  Instead we have music that's not too loud and table-top games available.  As a Guest, we may also bring games to play.  And make sure the kids have something to do, too.

Show me a rune for Hospitality!

• Gebo - Gift for a Gift.  Divine Blessing.

- Dedicant and Hearth Keeper Foxlyn Wren

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Resources

1. Ar nDraiocht Fein. Our Own Druidry. 2009.
2. Avende, Rev Jan.  Blackwelder, Rev Sarah.  Thomas, Rev Kirk.  Wasilkowsky Malik, Rev Lisa.  The Hearth Keepers Wat: An ADF Hearth Keepers Guide. 2009.
3. Dangler, Michael. The Fire on Our Hearth: A Devotional of Three Cranes Grove, ADF. 2010.
4. Dangler, Michael. Song of the Flame: A Devotional Prayerbook. 2020.