Pagan Virtue #6: Integrity
Integrity
Being trustworthy and honorable.
Spirit of Integrity
by Rev. Dangler
Establishing the whole from many parts,
Drawing together the constituent fragments,
Completing and maintaining the structure of the cosmos
Spirit of Integrity, I call to you.
There are times when the world seems
That it cannot be held together;
That the scaffolding may collapse,
And that we may fall again to each.
But we also know that we are in control;
Our word remakes the world when kept,
Our service will steady us against howling winds,
And our community reinforces us.
Spirit of Integrity, stand firm with us
And remake my world through solidarity.
Well, I've been in a bit of a depressive slump these last few days. Weather change, possibly. Although I do love the cooler fall weather, which we had one day last weekend, this both days this weekend. Yesterday, I was bundled up, wrapped in a throw that I had made, while crocheting a toy for one of my kids, out on the deck. It was nice, all that was missing was a hot cup of coffee or tea. It was also uncharacteristically quiet for my neighborhood on a Saturday (which I certainly enjoyed--the quiet of changing seasons).
We had all the windows opened and it was not quiet inside the house, but we were the only ones with our windows open from the trailers that I could see. Guess not everyone's as big of fans of cooler fresh air blowing through the homes, as we are? We never miss an opportunity to have our windows opened. We used to live in an apartment with only three windows and no air flow, so to have a place with a bunch of windows and air flow excites us. Definitely not taking that for granted.
Yeah, I can still enjoy things even when feeling sluggish and depressed. I've been doing my usual coping to combat the negative self talk and mood swings--it's been working pretty well. But I'm not feeling up to my usual rune pulls or channeling for this Virtue right now. Perhaps I'll update this post sometime this week?
- Dedicant and Hearth Keeper Foxlyn Wren
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Sept 10th:
I'm feeling better today, and I've been thinking about this virtue. Integrity isn't a word in my normal vocabulary, so I had to look up other definitions and reflect on it.
"Honor; being true to one's self and to others, involving oath-keeping, honesty, fairness, respect and self-confidence."
- Being authentic
- Be prepared to lose friends! I've learned that people want authenticity, but when you give it, they may take it as an attack. I've been told that I'm too much and too intimidating, and even that I'm fake and rude. I try to be direct, honest, and kind--I wish more people were, too, instead of being politely rude, thinking that it's best. Polite rude is still rude. Be honest and direct, please. Maybe this has more to do with my specific neurodivergence and less with integrity? Maybe it's both?
- I wish more people were honest about their feelings, instead of being more concerned about keeping the peace--that's very toxic for all involved. If you're uncomfortable, voice that, otherwise how will others know there's a problem to be fixed?
- About a year ago, I was booted from a group that meant a lot to me for being "too much". I never knew there was a problem because no one ever said anything. Well there was one person, but she and I talked, and I worked on the issue. Then she turned out to be two-faced. My guides warned me to not trust her, but I ignored their advice, because she was so nice and everyone seemed to like her.
Next time I'll listen.
I don't understand hints or body language--shit, I have a hard time knowing when people are making fun of me at times. I understand words and honesty. Say something. I always tried to be direct, honest, and kind with that group--professional even--but learned that some people thought I was being intimidating, which was never my intention. I don't have the best social skills and have a lot to learn about interacting with people. But I can't work on something if I don't know there's a problem. I said multiple times that if I make them uncomfortable to say something.
I wish they were honest, instead of polite. Honesty doesn't always have to be blunt and mean, it can be kind, too (and nice isn't always kind, nice can also be rude). But after some reflection, talking to friends and strangers about it (because I wanted unbiased opinions--to see if I was in the wrong), and some healing, I've learned that I might be autistic and that group weren't my people, and that's okay.
Hekate and Callieach both told me to never dim my light for anyone. Be my authentic self. If it hurts their eyes, they can turn away.
Introspection, Challenge; Regeneration, Endurance, and Grounding.
- Ar nDraiocht Fein. Our Own Druidry. 2009.
- Dangler, Michael. Song of the Flame: A Devotional Prayerbook. 2020.
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