A Wandering Fox

Tonight is the ritual with Virtual Fire, and like many if feels like I got kicked in the gut by the Gods, so I'm not in much of a honoring the Gods mood. Not attending tonight. Just feeling the emotions, the grief, and letting the tears fall.  Waves of fear, rage, uncertainty, hopelessness, crisis, and distrust of myself and Them...as well as waves of understanding, drive, anger, hope, community, fight, and faith. I'm a hot mess at the moment. Afraid for my loved ones, neighbors, strangers. Afraid of my loved ones, neighbors, strangers.... Afraid for myself and feeling like I can't protect my kids--which is just the worst feeling in the world. Doubting my psychic abilities and my magik. Doubting my Gods. Doubting people.  A real crisis of faith.  I am oathed and serve as Priestess and Spirit Worker to many Gods and yet...I'm having a spiritual crisis.  Not in Their existence, but in Their agendas.  I can't exactly quit. But also not sure that I want to. On one hand,

Okay, no. I'm also weird! I just want to clarify that Virtual Fire hasn't made me feel like an outsider at all--all of yall have been incredibly kind. It's just my experiences and fears bubbling to the surface. And also me trying to figure out weird, contradictory social rules, right? I'm still going to try to speak last when omen volunteers are asked for. I really love this grove and I don't want to fuck it up. After I posted the last post, the next day the depression was gone. Things were clearer and I didn't feel as vulnerable and like a loser who can't keep friends. I'm never really had a lot of friends--I'm a homebody and I'm also careful...or I thought I was careful with interacting with people. It would appear that my techno-psychic abilities aren't as sharp as I thought they were. Over the last few years, I've had some abusive friendships and met some selfish, two-faced people. I didn't realize that I was so naive! An

I had a great Halloween and Midfall.  It was also my Handfasting Anniversary on the 31st, and that was wonderful, too. I didn't attend Three Crane Grove's rite because our neighborhood held their Trick or Treat night.  I also decided to not pay my Friend dues to TCG this October because I'm just in a weird place.  I've been dealing with a lot of grief and depression, and just fighting with myself this fall.  Virtual Fire did have a rite, and I offered to do the omen, but only if others didn't want to.  And I want others to want to, too.  I think instead of offering first, I'll stay quiet and let others volunteer.  I don't want anyone to think that I'm trying to take over as the main seer, ya know?   It's my favorite part and I'm good at it, but I don't want others to feel that they shouldn't volunteer just because I'm present.  Or because I've said, "I will if no one else wants to."  I don't mind being a default rea