A Wandering Fox

Dang I haven't posted on here in a while.  To be fair, I haven't done much blogging on any of my blogs.  I haven't finished my 9 Pagan Virtues project, and I only have Fertility left.  Nor have I been working on the DP essays.  As usual, I've been living my paganism and letting the things that I have learned sink in.  Take root and all that.  I've also been studying and practicing seidr.  I just finished studying  Volva Stav Manual by Kari Tauring, and boy does she talk a lot about trinities--things in 3's--and I just kept thinking about the parallels of 3's in ADF Druidry.  I don't have much to talk about, other than just me reflecting on the various 3s and trinities in both subjects.  Things that require more thought, perhaps? No, I think I wanted to talk about Yule and the upcoming family rituals we have going on.  Normally, December is a month of Yule for us, due to my up and down spoon levels.  I love this time of the yea...

I attended a Virtual Fire rite last night, where we gave thanks to the Kindred for whatever--I gave thanks for seership, divine mentoring, and patience from Them to me and me to Them. Each of us were able to invite certain deities we were thankful for, and Artemis and Ceres took control of me for a moment to type in Their names and what Their gifts to humankind: Wild and Domestic Harvests.  But before Them a deity who's not part of the PIE (Proto-Indo-European cultures) came through.   The pagan cultures that ADF Druidry focus on are Proto-Indo-European.  That doesn't mean that you personally can't honor entities outside of the PIE, but They can't be part of the rites.  Now what people do in private is their own thing, but in public or group, you're technically not supposed to. Like ADF is against animal sacrifice and I think bloodletting, as well.  Well, I haven't done animal sacrifice since I stopped hunting and fishing many years ago.  But when I do...

  Normally I wait until after the Last Harvest (Thanksgiving) to put up the Yule decorations. But in these darkening times (and I'm not just talking about the seasons), I just needed some light, some hope. Especially for my kids. While selecting the ornaments for the kids to excitedly hang on the tree this year, I picked those that bring us joy and fun memories. Memorial ornaments. Spiritual and magikal ones, too. In my family, the Yule Tree serves as an altar for many kinds of magiks and for honoring our Kindreds, especially our Ancestors. It serves as an altar for great love, joy, protection, community, healing, and other things. Important things needed to combat darkness. Things to feed the spirit...and spirits. Things to strengthen our resolve. Follow the Sun. Trust in Joy. Trust in Community. - Dedicant and Hearth Keeper Foxlyn © 2024 Hearth Fox Oracle

 

But not in the bad way, like not speaking up when the vulnerable are being slaughtered and beaten and carted away. To Be Silent in magikal ways. Not blabbing about our intentions and spell working and prayers. Can't trust the internet or technology. Never know who's listening (yes I'm aware of the irony as I type this on a public blog.) Do as Tricksters do and work from the shadows. Work with those on the Other side. Work with other shapeshifters. Two posts from Virtual Fire Proto-Grove: Loki's Unexpected Twist  By Emily Guenther Three Messages from Loki to the World  by John Beckett Aye, I've been told the same from Loki, Hekate, and other entities, especially this year. The importance of joy and shapeshifting during these Tower Times. Messages that have been given multiple times during the omens, and not just from me. Joy, protections, shapeshifting. Loki's been teaching me shapeshifting for a while, and while I could only focus on how I suck with maski...

Tonight is the ritual with Virtual Fire, and like many if feels like I got kicked in the gut by the Gods, so I'm not in much of a honoring the Gods mood. Not attending tonight. Just feeling the emotions, the grief, and letting the tears fall.  Waves of fear, rage, uncertainty, hopelessness, crisis, and distrust of myself and Them...as well as waves of understanding, drive, anger, hope, community, fight, and faith. I'm a hot mess at the moment. Afraid for my loved ones, neighbors, strangers. Afraid of my loved ones, neighbors, strangers.... Afraid for myself and feeling like I can't protect my kids--which is just the worst feeling in the world. Doubting my psychic abilities and my magik. Doubting my Gods. Doubting people.  A real crisis of faith.  I am oathed and serve as Priestess and Spirit Worker to many Gods and yet...I'm having a spiritual crisis.  Not in Their existence, but in Their agendas.  I can't exactly quit. But also not sure that I want to. On one h...

Okay, no. I'm also weird! I just want to clarify that Virtual Fire hasn't made me feel like an outsider at all--all of yall have been incredibly kind. It's just my experiences and fears bubbling to the surface. And also me trying to figure out weird, contradictory social rules, right? I'm still going to try to speak last when omen volunteers are asked for. I really love this grove and I don't want to fuck it up. After I posted the last post, the next day the depression was gone. Things were clearer and I didn't feel as vulnerable and like a loser who can't keep friends. I'm never really had a lot of friends--I'm a homebody and I'm also careful...or I thought I was careful with interacting with people. It would appear that my techno-psychic abilities aren't as sharp as I thought they were. Over the last few years, I've had some abusive friendships and met some selfish, two-faced people. I didn't realize that I was so naive! An...

I had a great Halloween and Midfall.  It was also my Handfasting Anniversary on the 31st, and that was wonderful, too. I didn't attend Three Crane Grove's rite because our neighborhood held their Trick or Treat night.  I also decided to not pay my Friend dues to TCG this October because I'm just in a weird place.  I've been dealing with a lot of grief and depression, and just fighting with myself this fall.  Virtual Fire did have a rite, and I offered to do the omen, but only if others didn't want to.  And I want others to want to, too.  I think instead of offering first, I'll stay quiet and let others volunteer.  I don't want anyone to think that I'm trying to take over as the main seer, ya know?   It's my favorite part and I'm good at it, but I don't want others to feel that they shouldn't volunteer just because I'm present.  Or because I've said, "I will if no one else wants to."  I don't mind being a default rea...

I'm trying to work on my Midfall ritual, but alas, I just lack the motivation and inspiration to do so.  Normally Midfall is my favorite ritual, and this is usually my favorite time of the year, but since 2011, October's been over shadowed by heavy grief energy.  I had a miscarriage that month and year, but have long since healed from it, knowing that my son Nathan is fine on the other side.   From that kind of grief to financial grief, it didn't get easier.  It got even more stressful, especially once our landlord in 2022, evicted us so they could refurbish the unit.  That was a super stressful time, but Gods willing, we ended up at our currant home--an upgrade to a kind landlord (I didn't know those actually existed!) and not being in an apartment anymore.  We're not attached to anyone, we have a driveway, and we're in a safe neighborhood.  However, I'm also still healing from the trauma from our last landlord.  Oofff.  Dude was a jac...